How to help your child survive divorce
Raising a child is best in an intact family where there is mutual respect and love. But life is making adjustments in the relationship between parents – and one beloved mom and dad can tell the child about the divorce. Like him, such a small and ranimaa, forced to endure separation from one parent?
Children often feel that the house is a disorder, but a rift between mom and dad – is one, and the care of a parent from the family – it is quite another. The real tragedy, which is printed on all future biographies of the baby. He himself can not cope, you need to help your child survive divorce with minimal psychological damage
What happens to the child during the divorce?
The preschoolers. Them cope with the divorce of mom and dad are the hardest, because children and family are very connected: in the first years of life parents focused all the attention of the crumbs. In the case of disorder toddlers can blame yourself for what happened, often capricious, suffer from insecurity, because no influence on the outcome of events. Children by any means, often unconsciously, trying to keep mom and dad together – with the help of own illness or bad behavior.
Children of school age. Guys over the age of 6 I’m afraid after the divorce to be alone, to lose forever your father or your mother. Therefore, divide them into “bad” and “good”, accusing them, I Express my anger with poor grades and poor behavior.
The main mistakes of the parents in the divorce
It is unacceptable to swear in the presence of a child, but in fact, very often the baby is in the midst of conflict. Parents can turn the child into an object of manipulation and aggression.
Also, very often the mother and father turned the child into a bone of contention and the subject of the tender. Unscrupulous parent may attempt to obtain benefits in exchange for seeing the baby. With large families in conflict are often even relatives who, as a rule, only hinder, rather than advocating for the rights of the child.
How to help your child survive divorce?
1. Try to save the day, to which the child is used even before the divorce, this is especially important for young children.
2. Each parent needs to communicate with the child to the maximum, perhaps even more time than before.
3. Do not impose to the child the relation to the current situation, because of adult problems parents have to decide between them.
4. Answer children’s questions calmly, succinctly and without unnecessary detail. For example, if a child asks whether to live with you dad, you can answer: “No, now he will live in another house, but you will see. You might have to meet him in then, and then some, but if you want, at any time, call or come to visit”.
5. Telling the child the news about the divorce, don’t forget to emphasize that this decision is mutual, and no one’s fault that it happened.
6. Very often children are afraid of what will happen next, the unknown scares them. So dispel the fears of the child and tell us what happens after the divorce mom and dad.
7. If you do everything right, but the kid still can not calm down, deal with his reaction – it is in the normal range. Tell the child that you are sorry that he has had to do that, but I can’t help – it already happened, divorce is inevitable.
8. Students in this period like no other need the support of friends. Unpleasant thoughts can leave on the second plan, if the child has a very active social life. But this method is not suitable for all children.
9. Try to adhere strictly to a schedule of meetings, because the kid knows what to expect, and less prone to stress.
10. Some children hide their feelings, while in the shower so upset with the situation. Therefore, the child must be the person he can trust with your thoughts – grandmother, aunt or anyone else. If such person does not, do not hesitate to consult a psychologist to help the child to survive his parents ‘ divorce.
If mom and dad are no longer together, all carers should try to end their plight, to create a welcoming atmosphere of understanding. It was during this difficult period of divorce, the child is particularly vulnerable and he needs stability support for native people.