How to communicate with the child?
Striving to be perfect parents, we are ready for more. As shown by the theory and practice of psychology, the most important thing in dealing with a child — is to try to understand him. But that’s exactly what we get is the worst. Why the baby does? Why our words or actions, he responds in some strange, unknown to us?
Why his behavior is so annoying to us. How to communicate with the child? We are looking for a versatile means of communication that could be applied in any situation. Such principles, of course, exist, but to use them, we need to know better than the child, and himself.
The principles of interaction
1. Fewer inhibitions!
Sometimes it seems that the main words of parents, by which they communicate with the child, are “need” and “impossible”. To understand what a child feels when he is ordered, it is enough to remember, as we react to the word “need”.
– Do it to us?
– we would Like to hear it?
– What emotions it evokes in us the word?
If you don’t like, why should please your child? Unless he’s a soldier, to follow orders, which, as is well known, are not discussed? He is quite able to understand your explanations, of course, given the age and more than once, especially if you try to explain to him, focusing on his own desires.
“Impossible” – one of the most common words in the parental lexicon. What‑the moment the parents understand that it denies the power of giving. Too much “impossible”, the word stops working. The child no longer responds to ban even when it is actually needed, such as during a dangerous situation.
How‑one time I asked her to write a list of “impossible” that are not hazardous, because she was sure that “impossible” and “dangerous” – are one and the same. Here’s what happened.
You cannot draw on the Wallpaper.
You cannot spit.
Not to knock on the wall to the neighbors, especially late at night.
You cannot scream, scream bad voice.
– you can Draw on the old Wallpaper, and when the child grows up, you change them.
– to Spit, if it doesn’t hurt anyone (though this is ugly).
– In the wall you can knock, but not at a later time.
– to Scream and shout bad voice. Of course, you should not do, but if the kid really feel like crying, the mother can sit and listen attentively – I wonder how much is enough the child?
And so on. If you are concerned about how to communicate with the child, try to create your list of “impossible” and next to him – a list of words that can replace this traditional prohibition. You are surprised to find that there are actually very few situations in which really worth to use that word.
The child is almost always possible and it is necessary to explain why what you‑that he was banned. The only exception is the ban that is required immediately to avoid danger. For example: you Cannot cross the road in front of the machine. By the way, and this prohibition can be replaced by another word, for example: Stop!
2. Tell others about what you are feeling right now
Many of us require the child to stop crying, whining, hysterical, to finally explained why he’s crying. But the small child is just not able to do this, it is that nobody teaches. Let us ask ourselves the following questions.
– how Often do you articulate your emotions?
– how Often do you tell your children that feel?
– What words you say to your children about what makes you angry?
– Explain if you were the cause of your discomfort?
If you are accustomed to restrain their emotions, nothing surprising in the fact that of that you require of your children. If you think that crying is bad, and to cry, to survive in the presence of children – it is a double evil, and your child, you will impose the same prohibitions.
What is the result? Not stating aloud, not voicing what concerns us, we accumulate irritation, resentment, hidden aggression. Exactly the same goes and the child. The output is only one. To learn ourselves to talk openly about what is bothering you, giving thereby an example to the child.
3. Allow children to cry!
Us from childhood suggest the idea that crying is bad, especially ashamed to do it for the boys only girls cry, and real men don’t have that right! But crying – is an unspoken desire to be heard. Illustrative example – a situation that is painful for both parents and for the child – adaptation to kindergarten.
Every morning the child asks his mother not to send him to kindergarten, and after parting with the screams and cries. I want to escape this cry to get out of there, not to hear him, and let‑else soothes your baby, explain to him that mommy needs to work. How to communicate with the child?
Talk to your child. Explain to him that you understand how serious the cause of his worries – nursing moms. And if he wants to cry, let him do it. And when he calms down, we can sit on the lap of the caregiver, to play with other children. Of course, all this is necessary to discuss in advance with the teachers and explain why you insist on this approach.
By the way, in such a difficult and new for the baby, getting used to the kindergarten, and not interfere with positive reinforcement. Coming for the child, ask what interesting happened during the day, and give him what‑lint. Even if the baby garden is associated with what‑interesting, fun and delicious.
4. Trust your child
If you think your child is not able to:
– to walk alone, to think, to understand the situation, to take decisions and bear responsibility for it;
– to understand explanations, if they were not in the imperative form;
– to answer questions;
– find a class;
” too small…
…that means you do not trust your child.
So, you want to have it as long as possible the child who can take care and control, and you would have continued to play the role of a stern Parent. But your child is waiting for you adult approach.
– Instead of Lisp with the child, talk to him in human language.
– Instead of answer his questions and to spell everything out for themselves, ask questions and give time for reflection.
– Instead of entertaining them, allow him to choose his occupation.
– Instead of thinking for him, give him the right to decide for himself.
5. Tranquillity, only tranquillity!
The greatest gift you can give to your child,– is to stay calm. I understand how hard it is, but let’s see how many advantages you get by learning how to control myself.
– You get the time to think about the situation.
– You don’t look in the eyes of a child screaming monster.
– You begin to respect yourself for your peace of mind and effort that it took.
– For her husband and children, your society becomes associated with a quiet harbour where you want to come back again and again.
– You are able to think clearly, because you don’t get caught up in emotion.
Remember, dear parents, to teach their child what‑it is valuable for you can only in the Adult condition. But you need to learn to see all three of my conditions: a naughty Child, instructing the Parent and appropriate Adult.