Conflicts between parents and children.
Conflicts between parents and children in the family begins at the end of the first year of a child’s life. and the end… however, they can and will not end throughout life. Causes of conflict children and adults may be several, in this case, the older the child, the more difficult to avoid family conflict. Agree that to find a common language with a difficult teenager is harder than with a baby in the third year of life .
Who is to blame in family conflicts, parents or children?
Who is to blame and what to do? Eternal questions that I hear most often. Let’s start with the first question. Who is to blame for the continued conflict between parents and children, the older or younger generation? Of course, many parents believe their children are Moody and stubborn and how many of them do not teach as they don’t explain, all trying to do it your way.
Not so simple, actually. Let’s think. If in the family there was a quarrel between the spouses, then who is to blame? Blame both. Although, of course, each spouse blames the other half. They are both right and wrong at the same time. Right, because they feel guilty the second the half. And wrong, because they believe themselves innocent in this conflict. Everything is clear in theory but difficult in practice – you need to recognize to blame not only her husband but also herself.
With parents figured out. Blame both. But what in case of conflict between adults and children? Conflict with both, so, too, is to blame for both? No. In this case, blame the parents. But why so? We’ll get that. When conflict between the couple – they are both adults, with equal rights and duties, they have the same amount of responsibility.
In the case of conflict with the child, the situation is different. First, raised the child in a family of parents and now he has joined the opposition. I.e. parents reap the fruits of their education. Perhaps they missed much, much ignored, much did not want to do in the relationship with the child, but in vain. Secondly, the adult has more experience compared to a child, it is more responsibility, including responsibility for the conflict with their children.
As parents to resolve the conflict with the child?
Now, we all know why the parents have the lion’s share of responsibility for the conflict with your child. And to successfully avoid or resolve conflict parents need to realize that. Otherwise, the dialogue will not work. Of course, a lot can be achieved by severity and its impact. With such a strong-willed parent and don’t want. But, for this, you need to be consistently rigorous in their actions, but it’s not. It is worth to give up the slack and the child will feel it and will use it.
Actually, it is easier to shy away from a conflict than to resolve it. If the parent is in conflict with the child, the child is already won, in some way. Because the parent is guilty in this conflict, and this we have already spoken. Parents have a responsibility lies much more, including for the conflict. But if the parent will shy away from conflict, will not take it, will not support the child, then the responsibility and the consequences will fall on the child, then he will feel it. Further, we give examples showing how parents can avoid the conflict with the child.
How to avoid conflict with children?
Take for example a situation in the family: eight-year-old Tanya did not want to bed. It was late, but the girl sat and painted. Trying mom to put her down she replied that she wants to finish the drawing. When my mom tried to take her picture, the child became aggressive. Tanya cried, screamed, that draw the drawing and go to sleep.
Finally, mom gave up. She said that the girl quickly finished and went to bed. But Tanya wasn’t going anywhere, and slowly sat doodling. Mom ran out of patience, and she tried to pick up the pencils and the picture of her daughter. Naturally, the girl again began to resist.
In this situation, my mother had to escape from the conflict with her daughter. And the next night the woman, together with her husband, had done. When evening came, the mother approached her daughter and said that at nine o’clock in the evening she has to go to bed, but before that, take a dip in the tub. At half past eight in the evening mom cooked the bathroom, came to Tanya and said that the bath was ready. The girl continued to play as if nothing had happened. Mom went into the hall and, together with her husband, began to watch TV.
When the time was 9 o’clock in the evening, the mother and father went to Tanya into the room, kissed her, said good night and went to watch TV. “But mom, protested Tanya, I haven’t bought in the bathtub”. But the father and mother pretended to not see her and continued to watch TV. Tanya then got to my mom’s lap and cried: “Mom, I want to swim”. But her mom and dad stubbornly refused to notice daughter. “nick said Tanya’s mother to her husband, ‘ let’s go into the kitchen, drink tea”. Then Tanya had to get off the knees of his mother.
Tanya’s parents retired to the kitchen, still “noticing” Tanya. In the end, Tanya with tears settled herself in bed. In this example, the parents stood firm and gave Tanya the to take responsibility for their actions. They avoided conflict with his daughter and entire freedom of action, but, however, and all the responsibility, went to Tanya.
Another example is associated with a three-year Gleb, who rushed to the kitchen to my mother and shrill, whining voice began to ask mom water. “don’t like it when you whine,” mom said, – ask in a normal voice. Hleb continued shrill wail. Then mom left the kitchen area and sat down to watch TV, leaving one son and not paying attention to him.
Many parents suffer “whining” their children, believing that it will pass with age. But there’s no need to suffer. You can always put the child into a situation where he will be forced to change their behavior. For starters, you should refuse to comply with requests made by the child, a nagging tone. And do it consistently, controlling himself. Of course, need some time and a lot of patience, but it will definitely bring results.
The following example. Ten-Masha asked the children’s arena. But when her parents let her in there, she started asking to go back. Then she was dragged out of the arena. After that she again started asking to go there. This could go on indefinitely, until mother daughter refused and refused to pull her out of the arena. The child threw a fit. and mother did not support her in the conflict and try to comfort. She just left the room.
Five minutes later, when mom looked into the nursery, Mary calmly played with a ball. As we can see, even a child of 10 months trying to impose their views. When parents ignore the conflict and do not support this child, they give children a strong impression. If the parent leaves the “battlefield”, then the child comes in strong confusion. In such cases, the children quickly change their behavior and cease to show his irritation, which became useless in the absence of “audience”.
If you do not give the child to achieve his cry and tears, sooner or later he will begin to try to understand the status quo. The child will understand that trying to impose their views lead only to his loneliness, and he realizes that it is much easier to go to the parents to meet.